I can remember only a few seasons in my life that I have sought to know and understand the heart of God more diligently (“desperately” is probably a more accurate word) than I have in past several months. The past year and a half has been very jarring…in a( mostly)wonderful sort of way. By this I mean, I feel I have been treading on unfamiliar territory both physically (our roadtrip extravaganza) as well relationally, emotionally, and spiritually.

It feels as if the whole of my life has been tossed in the air with many pieces yet to have landed. As I wrote that last sentence. I was reminded of what Jesus said about separating the chaff from the wheat. And I am now convinced that is what HE is doing in me right now. I pray the excess of my life, those bits and pieces that distract or discourage from my pursuit of Jesus and of becoming more and more like him, blow away in a holy wind.

I have a new awareness today that while life feels “up in the air” God is at work. He is removing the nonessentials and rearranging not only my life’s circumstances but my character and my heart. Yikes and Hallelujah=)!

(Luke and his kindergarten teacher Mrs. Hart on his first day of school.)

Many decisions awaited us when we pulled back into Salem September 1. One of the most important was schooling for the boys. Should we continue homeschooling or enroll them in school, and if so, where? After much consideration we decided to hold off on sending them back to school, at least until we had a better idea of where we would eventually call home.

Luke was very disappointed about not going kindergarten. My heart broke as he explained that “Mom, I just don’t want to miss out.” I promised him then that as soon as we settled into a new home we would enroll him in kindergarten, wherever we were.

Though we have had a really great five months of  home school in which he has learned to read, worked his way halfway through a first grade math book and enjoyed countless spontaneous “field trips”  he has continued to ask to go to “real school. And since we are fairly sure we will make our home in the Salem area, it was time to keep my promise.

On Wednesday Luke attended his first day of kindergarten at Riviera Christian School and…he LOVED it. On the ride home he exclaimed that he “made three friends in just one day!”

On Thursday he rode a school bus for the first time on a class field trip to a music store and Friday he stood in front of his class and demonstrated the wonders of a green plastic bouncy toy he brought for show and tell.

 Today (Saturday) Luke didn’t feel well. He and I spent much of the day alone playing dominoes and watching Looney Tunes.

Tonight before bed my kindergartener asked me to “snuggle” and I jumped at the chance. Time with him is passing quickly and I’m the one who doesn’t want to miss out.

“Let all that I am praise the Lord, may I never forget the good things he does for me. (Psalm 103:2)

“We have shrunk Jesus to the size where He can save our soul but now don’t believe He can change the world“  -anonymous

My prayers are different from what they once were. Maybe that’s because my heart is too. I have been  asking God to arrange my life in such a way that pleases Him most. Maybe that’s why this transition period continues more than four months after our return from our 8 month-long road trip. He’s has a lot of rearranging to do…not only regarding a new home but forming within me a new heart.

In church last Sunday we sang a song very familiar in Christian circles today. I mindlessly sang along before struck with realization that I really didn’t believe the words I was singing…

Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!
Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
Then what could stand against.

Much of the chorus (above) is directly from scripture. Though every Word is truth I don’t live like it is true for me. Do I really believe that God is bigger and greater than ANY challenge? Do I step boldly into the unknown confident that whatever awaits me is no match for my God and I? When was the last time I went without, so someone else wouldn’t have too? Do I insist on security or am I willing to risk it all for the good of others and glory of God? Am I living the LIFE Jesus intended or is there more?

The Scripture God has impressed on my heart for the new year is Ephesians 3:20-21. I can read it, memorize it, talk about and even sing about it,  but my deepest desire is that God help me LIVE like I believe it.

 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

(On Martin Luther King Jr. day the boys and I spent the morning discussing courageous people throughout history willing to give themselves for the good of others regardless the price. After talking about King’s dream that black and white people would one day be treated equally, the boys wrote down and illustrated their own dreams. Here’s what they came up with)

A few weeks ago we unpacked our trusty home-on-wheels and hauled her to a storage facility near Dirk’s parents’ home in Salem. As I cleaned out Piperdrive  I could not contain the onslaught of memories of our family trip  nor the tears that accompanied them.Wow, what a gift…so many family “firsts”, lessons learned and perspectives altered.

So many precious moments and priceless conversations with my boys. Dirk and I learned much about ourselves and our relationship. We had to count on each other like no other time in our marriage. We reunited with dearly loved friends and family as well as making few new friends along the way.

As a family we had a blast at Disneyland,  marveled at Grand Canyon, explored Carlsbad Caverns, spent a weekend helping tornado victims rebuild in Alabama, and were drenched riding the waves at Niagara Falls. One of my favorite experiences was a weekend get-a-away Dirk planned for the two of us in New York City (while the boys stayed with family).

It was not always smooth sailing… there were days of little boy break downs, bouts of homesickness, flat tires, brake problems and the whole crashing into a low hanging bridge incident. It was adventure and I loved every minute of it!

There came a point late into the summer, however, when we all agreed it was time to come home. “Home” has taken on a very different meaning these days. Simply put “home” for our family has become where all five of us are gathered, everything else (location, size etc…) is simply detail.

On September 1 we rolled back into town. With our South Salem house rented to some great people, we lived in the trailer in an RV park outside of town for a few months before moving into a little make-shift apartment in the back of Dirk’s parents’ house. This  is where we find ourselves now, back where we started, exactly one year ago. Surreal!

Though the setting is familiar, in many ways we are not the same. The boys have grown in body, and we have all grown in mind and spirit. At times, it’s been a challenge translating the “new things” God stirred in my heart while traveling  into life back in Salem but with HIS help I am slowly figuring it out.

I am so grateful that our grand adventure of 2011 had purpose far beyond a treasured family memory, but a launching point for the next leg of the journey (whatever it may be).

We may be back where we started, but in so many ways it feels like a whole new beginning. I have said it before and I will say it over and over again that knowing and serving our GOD IS the grandest most breath-taking adventure of all!!!

Look out 2012, here we come!!!

- Val

DO YOU REMEMBER?….

Our first meal in Piperdrive taken exactly one year ago ( sorry it’s so blurry)

Our first sight seeing stops (Pre-historic gardens along 101) chosen by Luke during the first few days of the trip. (the boys have grown a lot since then)

I am going to bed tonight humbled by my many undeserved blessings, but especially for these three.

“Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.” (Pslam 103:2)

On New Years eve my baby turned four years old, how could this be?

I remember discovering I was pregnant with him on Mother’s day 2007 and how he insisted on arriving a week before his due date to party with us on New Years!

I remember fearing for his well-being when I was admitted to the hospital 26 weeks into the pregnancy for what turned out to be complications with a pesky kidney stone. And how relieved I was when we both made it home healthy a week later.

I remember the doctor (who had also delivered my two blondies) cheering during the c-section when she saw he had brown hair like his mom.

He entered the world with perfectly formed sideburns but no name. Dirk and I called him Alexander at first, but after a day getting to know him, agreed that his name is Levi.

Levi had serious health concerns all before his first birthday that called for numerous trips to pediatric cardiologists and a few nights in the hospital. Doctors and nurses marveled at his cheerful disposition and ultimately at his healing.

Levi ADORES his big brothers and tries hard to keep up with them. There are many times I  unsuccessfully attempted to calm him down after a grave  injustice or injury, then watch as his tears and whining halt immediately when Jaxon or Luke says, “Levi, tough it out!”

He loves to make up songs with lyrics such as ” I love Jesus infinity three.” Little body.  Big personality. Huge heart.

The little guy’s blessed with the world’s longest  eye lashes, an inquisitive mind, and the prestigious title of our family’s “best snuggler” . He often searches me out from another room just to give me a hug and say,  “Mommy, I love you taller than God” .

Today during one of those hugs, I held on to his warm, perfect little body longer than usual. Trying to wiggle away, he looked up at me, and with a twinkle in his chocolate brown eyes squealed, “Mommy, let go, you can’t hold on to me forever.”

I laughed and cried at the same time. And marveled once again, that for a little while, he is mine.

Levi, you, little boy, are a delight! Nothing on this earth brings  me more joy than being your mommy.

Love you forever, Mom

The Scripture will not leave me alone. It haunts me day and night. I cannot stop thinking about it. I have read it many times before but something happened in my heart when I read it again a few days ago. I have been meditated in these words and have made them my personal prayer.

“Teach me, Lord to realize the brevity of life, so I may grow in wisdom” I have been asking hard questions and insisting on honest answers from myself. I have come to the conclusion that there are things I would be doing differently if I knew that 2012 would be the last year of my life. Two of them are…

I would love  more intentionally!

I would write, recording the things I have seen God do in my lifetime.

Whether I live 1 or 100 more years upon this earth, time is gonna fly! I am reminded of this daily as I watch in amazement how quickly my little boys are growing up.

Without the prodding of the Holy Spirit my life would be riddled with regrets of the things I DID NOT attempt, steps I was too timid to take. God’s Word has awakened my Spirit and become my heart’s daily cry.

“Teach me to realize the brevity of my life Lord, so that I may grow in wisdom”

Join me in this prayer. Let’s see what God will do. Prepare to be amazed. 2012 may or may not be our last but as we move forward with HIM can be an adventure we, and maybe the world, will never forget!!

Here we go again, Val

]]> http://dirkandvalerie.wordpress.com/2012/01/09/2012/feed/ 2 dirkandvalerie http://dirkandvalerie.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/you-are-loved/ http://dirkandvalerie.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/you-are-loved/#comments Thu, 03 Nov 2011 12:46:11 +0000 dirkandvalerie http://dirkandvalerie.wordpress.com/?p=1897 ]]>

(Art work by Luke)

I read Dirk’s latest entry early yesterday morning and was moved by the last few lines of his blog. Then, after time in prayer and in the book of Ephesians God stirred my spirit with the following words. I pray you he HIS heart for you and are encouraged…

I am paying attention. Though I know your next move, I watch with great anticipation. I am enthralled by your beauty and celebrate your journey. As you become more aware of MY awareness of you and all that concerns you, My Presence will fill the voids and valleys of your heart. Your heightened awareness of your wounds will soon take form of unbridled joy at the depth of healing you will experience. I have gone to great lengths to make you mine, not only for your benefit but to my great pleasure You may  wonder if anyone cares or if anyone is watching when one glance to the sidelines reveals those you love distracted by their own concerns. MY attention is never interrupted. I see and celebrate you. I call you by name. YOU ARE MINE!

We really liked most of the parents we met, played with, and played against.  Most of them were similar to us — supportive, balanced, encouraging.  A few fell on either end of the sports spectrum, from obsessive to space-cadet — it was pretty easy to tell which kiddos came from these parents.

Lukey had a great coach, and won most of his games.  Jaxon’s coach was, frankly, terrible; not surprisingly, he lost all but one game.

As the season began, I didn’t take time to think about how I would parent our budding soccer players.  I didn’t think about what to do about a bad coach, or how to encourage them after a loss.  Looking back, I was naive about how it would go.  I think I expected them to have positive experiences.  I expected them to be well-coached and to rapidly improve. I didn’t expect them to win every game, but I did expect them to be competitive and to win a good number of them.

It never once occurred to me that one of them might be one for eight at the end of the season.  And it certainly never occurred to me that this abysmal record might be due to coaches.

So it took some weeks for me to recognize the difference between good and bad coaching, and to recognize the vast difference in outcome between a well-coached boy from one who is poorly coached.

At first, I didn’t handle it well.  I groused to Valerie about the dumb decisions, rudeness, and inability of the coaches to recognize their need to change and improve.  I tried to encourage Jaxon to be respectful, but it wasn’t easy.  The games were depressing to watch, knowing all the players should be doing so much better.  It was heart-breaking to see their sad little faces after each loss.

At the same time, I was wondering how hard to push the boyz.  Do we let them wander about from activity to activity on their whim?  Do we push them to dominate a single sport, with year-round training?  I finally settled on a compromise: actively push them as hard as they want me to.  If they want me to work with them, I’m there.  So, after game 7, we practiced together.  I drilled them hard, four days in a row, and they absolutely loved every second of it.  Result?  Coaches and parents commenting on Lukey’s great footwork in game 8, and… drumroll… Jaxon scored his first goal ever!!

I will never forget that moment,  The moment when a disappointing season full of frustration was wiped away by one breakaway down the center-left of the field, quick chop over to his right foot, and perfect shot into the lower right corner of the goal.  Jaxon sprinting back to mid-field, arms raised, smiling broadly, looking over to see if his dad and mom were paying attention.

We were.

-D.

From the beginning, today had all the makings of a great one. It was a crisp and chilly autumn day full of family fun. Like every Saturday for the past several weeks, it began on the soccer field. Both boys had early morning matches. Jaxon played first, he always plays hard even though he’s been discouraged at his team’s 0-7 record. We have been trying to glean lots of life lessons from the losses. and we were just about running out when the losing streak ended today! We were all overjoyed at this unexpected gift from above! We literally jumped for joy at the end of the match with the end score 1-0. Judging from all the high fives and hugs exchanged you’d think we just won the Super Bowl.

Luke’s team lost but he played his best soccer match yet. Coach Duffy couldn’t make it so Dirk stepped in as head coach and did a great job. Luke shot at the goal 3 times in the first five minutes and dribbled the ball up and down the field with an intensity we haven’t seen in him before on the soccer field. Luke was proud of himself and weaved talk about his soccer performance into every conversation for the rest of the day.

After soccer, Dirk and and Jaxon helped some friends move for a couple hours before we all headed to Setniker’s Pumpkin Patch just a few miles from our trailer. I LOVE our tradition of playing and picking out punkins in the patches around here. It is one of my very favorite times of the year.

Jaxon smiling from on top of the world (AKA a hay bale pyramid)=)

My little punkin in the patch!

SMILE!

Jaxon shooting mini-gourds from a giant sling shot. He was aiming at a tractor  and targets of painted giant pumpkin faces on walls of hay bales.

Time to pick out the punkins….

It didn’t take Levi long to find his

Luke pondered a bit

Punkins, punkins everywhere…which one will he choose?

The highlight of the afternoon was a surprise ATV/heavy duty golf cart ride around the property by Joan Setniker. Dirk and I have known the Setniker family since high school, they are always so gracious and we always look forward to catching up with them every year in their amazing patch of punkins!

Mission accomplished! Levi helped his dad wheel five lucky punkins to the truck, bringing an end to our great afternoon in the patch! We’ll be back!

I had no idea when I woke up this morning how sweet this day would be. In times like this  I marvel at how overly good the Lord is to me. I treasure these sweet and simple days of soccer matches and punkin patches. Thank  you Lord. I love you, too!

Happy Autumn! – Valerie